Hawkmoon 269
by L Moonshade
Summary: COMPLETED! Second in my MacLeod series. Adrienne meets an old enemy, rated for torture.
1. Chapter 1

Before you begin; you don't need to read my first story, "A Sort of Homecoming" but it would help you understand who Adrienne MacLeod is, and how she became a Jedi.

Disclaimer: Same ol', same ol'. Adrienne and Shai'in belong to me. Anything other that that belongs to someone else. I don't get money for this. You could sue me if you wanted, but I ain't got nothing you'd want. Including money.

AN: Shai'in is pronounced "shy een" with the accent on the first syllable.

I made my way down to the Initiate Level. I'd only been a member of the Jedi Order and Mace's padawan for a month, and I'd just been given a solo assignment; take Shai'in during Family Day. He was without parents and, in order to not let him feel left out, a Jedi padawan would take him out of the Temple when the rest of the initiates were with their families. Master thought it would be good for me. I wasn't sure, I wasn't big on children, but I wasn't going to argue with Mace Windu. He could be just as stubborn as I could and I felt that he had his mind set about this.

I made my way to the room Shai'in shared with two other initiates and rang the chimes. The door was opened a moment later by a child more than half my height. One of the Fe—a bipedal feline race—Shai'in was ten but looked older, tall, with the large build of a lion and just the beginnings of his adult's mane and beard. As he moved, I could see the muscles ripple under his white fur. His golden eyes looked at me with intelligence and curiosity. I was curious myself; Fe were rare outside their own planet, and I hadn't seen any yet.

"Initiate Shai'in? I'm Padawan Adrienne MacLeod."

He smiled. Somehow I thought it was meant to be a grin, but he kept his mouth closed, as any predator would. He bowed.

"It is a pleasure to meet you, Padawan MacLeod. Master Windu tells me you are to be my guide, today?"

I snorted, began walking, Shai'in easily falling into step. "Don't be so formal. Please, call me Mac."

"Mac, then. Where are we going?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. Where do you want to go?"

"I love the marketplace. It's fun to watch all the people."

"The marketplace it is."

We spent all morning in the marketplace, watching people and looking at all the different things there were for sale. I took the opportunity to check him out, see how much he'd learned so far. He was good, able to close his eyes and remember everything he'd seen, able to determine people's moods just by body language and scent. It was a good morning but, finally, my stomach started to rumble.

"What about lunch?" I asked. "What do you prefer?"

"Trying new things."

I grinned, making sure to keep my teeth hidden. I was starting to like him and didn't want to make him think otherwise, or offend him. "Have you ever had Corellian?"

"No, I haven't."

"Good, neither have I. We'll try it together."

He grinned back. "That sounds like fun."

We ordered a lot of dishes in smaller amounts and shared, in order to try as much as we could. We laughed over our different perceptions of the food and stories he told of getting into trouble. After over an hour we finished, decided to leave and head back to the Temple for some swimming.

"I didn't know Fe like to swim."

"Why wouldn't we?"

"Most cats on my world don't like water."

"I may look like one of your cats, but I'm not."

"I'm learning that."

He glanced at me, studying. "I've heard that you're from a planet no one's ever heard of, before. That you didn't grow up in the Temple."

"I didn't."

"Then, why are you being trained as a Jedi?"

I could have taken offense, but he was just being curious. "The Council made an exception for reasons I don't completely understand and probably won't; the members keep their thoughts to themselves, I've found. I don't ask too many questions, I'm just glad they did."

"So am I. You're fun, Mac."

"So are you, Shai'in."

"Then, you'll visit me when you're not away on a mission?"

I grinned. "I'd like that. Look."

Someone was coming towards us, a figure in Jedi robes, the hood pulled far down over his face. As we neared, Shai'in and I both bowed.

"Master."

"Well, hello. Out on a day off?"

"Yes, Master. I'm spending the day with Shai'in. It's Family Day."

"Oh, yes, of course. It is good to meet you, Padawan, Initiate. I am Crion."

The name sounded familiar, very much so, but I couldn't place it.

"The pleasure is ours, Master."

"Heading back to the Temple, already? I was done here, myself. I could take you in my speeder."

I had no reason to argue and Shai'in didn't object. "We would be grateful, Master Crion, thank you."

"Oh, no thanks needed. No thanks needed."

We never made it to the Temple.


	2. Chapter 2

Like coming home/And you don't know where you've been/Like black coffee/Like nicotine

I came to with a groan. My head was splitting like a cord of firewood…Where had I heard that reference before? Oh, yeah, the movie, XXX. Datura knockout darts. No such thing, not by that name, but my disorganized mind somehow managed to retrieve the name of a dozen drugs that were the equivalent. Had one of them been used on me? I wasn't sure where—or even who—I was. Yeah, probably.

I tried to sit up, but just opening my eyes made my head pound even harder. I groaned again, worked to accept the pain, let it pass through me. There, now I could think, and take stock of myself to see what injuries I'd suffered. None, really, just bruises and the headache, not even a concussion. I opened my eyes—successfully, this time—and looked around to see where I was. It was the dirty floor of what seemed to be an abandoned warehouse, Shai'in laying next to me, still unconscious but unhurt, from what I could tell through the Force.

"So, you're finally awake."

I recognized Master Crion's voice, but the feel of the Dark Side was something new. Shai'in and I had met Master Crion on our way back to the Temple. He'd offered us a ride and, not sensing anything wrong—how had he fooled us?—we'd accepted. Hell, I'd even recognized the name, though I couldn't figure just where I'd heard it before. Shai'in and I had gotten into Crion's speeder and…And there, memory ended.

"I was talking to you, *Padawan*," Crion said, kicking me.

I rolled with the blow, turned the movement into one designed to bring me to my feet. I was still a little disoriented, but able to come to my feet facing the right direction, sabers in hand and lit. Crion stood in front of me, dressed now in black, his hood covering his face. He chuckled evilly, drew and lit his own saber.

"No preliminaries, then. Fine."

"You wanted a Jedi. See if you can keep us, now you've got us."

I lunged at him, attacking aggressively. We locked, our blades crackling and sparking as they slid along each other. Our faces were close, lit by our sabers, two purple and one blue, and I could see now what he looked like. His face was framed by oily black hair, slim, almost gaunt, with midnight blue eyes and a burn scar on the cheek. A burn scar in the shape of a broken circle.

I faltered. "Xanatos!" I gasped. Qui-Gon's second padawan, he had turned to the Dark Side, blaming Qui-Gon for the death of his father, Crion. But, Xanatos was supposed to be dead.

My momentary lapse of concentration cost me dearly. I felt the Dark Side swirl around Xanatos, then felt nothing but fear. I shoved Xanatos back but couldn't press the advantage, instead sinking to my knees. I was overwhelmed by my greatest fear, the thought that I had no friends in this galaxy, that I was alone, with no one but myself to rely on.

I felt another mind, trying to reach mine, unable to because of the fear but not giving up, then, that was gone too. It was enough, though; I knew that other mind well, it was my master. The touch caused the fear to begin to slowly fade, enough that I could begin to think clearly. I wasn't alone; Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, and most of the Council had been kind to me, offering help, compassion, and friendship. But, above all, was Master. Our Master-Padawan bond wasn't complete yet, but we had quickly become friends. Master would find us, I had to believe that. I just had to keep Shai'in and myself alive until he could.

Suddenly, my connection to the Force was severed. When I looked, I saw that Xanatos had placed a cuff around my wrist. I'd only seen something like it once, a long time ago, a brief look in a book, though I couldn't even remember which one. The knowledge that he had one—no, two—waiting chilled me. After he was done with me, he placed an identical device on Shai'in's wrist.

"You were ready," I said, voice still rough with the strain of the fear.

Xanatos sneered. "You're the prize I truly wanted. There's a great deal of information to be had about you, you know."

I snorted. "And how did you get that information? Have you corrupted another padawan, like you did Bruk Chun?"

He hid his surprise well, turning the wide-eyed look into delight. "Well, well, you know a great deal yourself. Maybe you're not all that weak, after all. Think about what we could do together. You're powerful, that much is clear. With the two of us running Offworld…"

"So you're still someone important? I never would have guessed. Save your breath, I won't follow you."

"Hmm, I thought not. I can trust you not to try to remove that?" he said, pointing to the cuff. "I'll kill the boy if you do, of course."

I met his dark gaze. "You don't have to worry, Xanatos. I won't do anything to endanger him."

He laughed, a harsh sound. "I knew it. You don't disappoint me, Padawan MacLeod."

I suddenly understood. "You didn't want just any Jedi, you wanted me."

"Of course. Qui-Gon's latest pet project. What do you think he'll do when he finds out I have you, hmm? What would it do to him, should you die?"

I shrugged. "How would you expect me to know? I haven't said two words to him since he left me here on Coruscant." That much, at least, was true.

I couldn't sense anything, but I knew he was trying to determine my emotions. I couldn't use the Force to stop him, but I could calm myself. After a moment, he nodded.

"You're good, even without the Force. But, I know him better than you do and I know that he will not leave you here, with me." He used the Force to take my lightsaber. "I'll keep these, of course."

"Of course," I echoed dryly.

Xanatos prodded Shai'in with a toe. "When he wakes, you'll be in charge of keeping him in line. We'll be leaving as soon as he's ready to travel."

"Where are we going? Telos?"

"You are good. How do you know so much?"

"I do my research."

"I doubt so much information is in the Archives. Qui-Gon told you, didn't he?"

"No, he hasn't said a word about you. I don't know him well, after all."

Xanatos didn't answer, just studied me intently. After a moment, he turned and left.

Shai'in stirred, groaned as he tried to sit up.

I gently pushed him back to the floor. "Easy. Whatever he used, it takes a moment to wear off."

The boy lay still for a moment, then sat up. "What happened?"

"I'm sorry, Shai'in. He wanted me, took us both. You shouldn't have been involved in this."

"Who? Master Crion?"

"He's no Jedi, not any more. He was, but he turned to the Dark Side before he became a knight. His real name is Xanatos. He won't kill us, though, not yet, not as long as we go along with what he says. So, we will, for now."

"We can't just let him…"

"We can't fight him; he's used Force dampeners on us. The best we can do is stay alive until we're found."

"Are you sure we will be?"

I pushed my own doubts away; they were meaningless, had no basis in the truth. "My master won't leave us here. He'll find us."

Shai'in took a deep breath, then nodded. "All right."

"We can't access the Force, but we can still meditate, calm ourselves."

He nodded.

It was something to do, something familiar, something from the Temple. It worked for both of us and we were calm when Xanatos came back.

"You're awake, too. Good. Come on, our transport's waiting."

Shai'in and I followed Xanatos to his speeder. He piloted, which didn't surprise me; he wouldn't take the chance of me taking us to the Temple.

Once there, Shai'in and I followed Xanatos out of the speeder and towards the ship. I looked around without seeming to, taking in details out of the corner of my eye. Off to one side, I saw a tall, slim young man, with white-blonde hair and skin tinted purple. I recognized him, having seen him at Dex's diner. Anyone who knew Dex told him everything that went on. I listened to the conversation between Xanatos and the pilot with half an ear, making sure they mentioned the planet we were going to.

"Telos it is, boss," the pilot said, relatively loudly. "We're ready to go."

"Good. And be quiet. We don't want all of Coruscant to know where we're going."

"Right, boss."

I glanced at the young man standing nearby. He nodded briefly, almost imperceptibly. I was relieved, he'd tell Dex what he'd seen. If Dex heard of Shai'in's and my abduction—of which I had no doubt—he'd put two and two together and let the Council know.

"Let's go."

Once again, Shai'in and I followed Xanatos without a word. I put a hand on the boy's shoulder, offering comfort. He glanced up at me, gave me a weak smile, and the ship's door closed behind us.


	3. Interlude: Mace

I stepped into the Council Chambers and took my seat. "What is the emergency?"

There was a moment of uneasy silence as the others shifted. No one wanted to be the one to break whatever news there was.

"I sensed fear and despair from Adrienne and now I can't reach her through our bond. If you have any news, I need to know."

"She and Shai'in were seen in the company of a dark-robed man at a hangar. They were, supposedly, going to Telos," Depa informed me gently.

I frowned. Telos sounded familiar, but why? "Where did that information come from?"

"Dexter Jettster. More there is. Brought this to us, a messenger did."

Yoda gave me a box, the right size and shape to hold two lightsabers. A cold dread gripped my heart as I opened the box. A Jedi knows neither fear, nor anger, but I think I can be forgiven if I felt nothing but fear for my padawan and anger at whoever dare take her as I looked at her lightsabers, a broken circle carved into each hilt. That was why Telos sounded familiar; it was the home world of Xanatos. I closed my eyes, felt and acknowledged my emotions, then let them pass through me.

"Why can't I sense her?"

"Know this, we do not."

"Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan both saw Xanatos die."

"They did not find his body. He always had a way out," Ki-Adi said. "Perhaps he had one more."

"He'll want Qui-Gon to know."

"We think that is why he targeted Adrienne. It is no secret that she is his latest 'project' and his close friend. And, there are rumors that, perhaps, there is more than friendship between them," Plo said.

It was as much a question as a statement, but I knew nothing; Adrienne and I weren't that close, not yet. I didn't answer, simply stood. "It is up to the rest of you whether or not Qui-Gon is informed." I put Adrienne's saber on my belt. "I am going to find my padawan."

"Your padawan she may no longer be, if permanently severed her connection to the Force is."

I met Yoda's gaze. "She will always be my padawan." I turned and stalked out of the room, made my way to the turbolift before Depa caught up to me.

"Mace, I'm sorry. I know how much she means to you."

"As much as you do," I told my former padawan. "She was raised outside of the Temple, is nineteen, and has been my padawan for only a month. Yet, I care for her as if we'd been together all her life."

The lift doors began to close, Depa slid into the lift between them. "Who can explain the ways of the Force? Or the heart? Do you think her connection to the Force is gone for good?"

I paused, searching for the answer. "No," I finally said. "No, my feelings tell me not. I've foreseen that she has to much to do, yet, nor am I the only one." I sighed. "But, Depa, is it just wishful thinking? My desire not to lose her, yet?"

"Mace, Qui-Gon is more likely to let his personal feelings influence him than you are." I smiled dutifully. Depa continued. "Seriously, I think you can trust your feelings on this. Delay, just a few moments. There are more who want to come with you."

I was surprised. "She is my padawan…"

"But you are not the only one who cares." She put a hand on my arm "Do you know her greatest fear? I do, she told me. To be completely alone. She needs you, Mace; we'll help you find her."

The lift stopped, the doors opened. "I'll wait ten minutes."

"We'll be there."

I left to make my way to the rooms I now shared with Adrienne to get her guitar. She'd want it, when I found her. She expressed a great deal of her emotion through it, I'd learned.

Once I had it, I rushed to the hangar. It was time to find my padawan.


	4. Chapter 3

Like a rhythm unbroken/Like drums in the night/Like sweet soul music/Like sunlight

Xanatos had left us locked in a cabin, alone except for each other and the rhythmic vibration of the nearby engines. I dug a piece of sharp metal out of my belt and began carving into the wall. 

"What are you doing?" Shai'in asked quietly.

"Putting our names on the bulkhead. If Master finds this ship and investigates it, I want him to know we were here."

Shai'in looked over my shoulder. It wasn't easy, for him to see or for me to carve, since I was doing it slightly below the edge of the bunk. Xanatos probably wouldn't think to look there but, if Master did find the ship, he'd cover every centimeter.

"What are those letters? They look strange."

"It's the alphabet I grew up with. It's unlike anything in the Republic; Xanatos won't be able to read it, even if he finds it."

"Then, how will Master Windu understand?"

"In teaching me the Republic alphabet, he's learned enough of mine to read my name and a few other words. If he sees another name here with mine…"

"He'll know I'm with you." Shai'in's ear twitched. "Someone's coming. But, you're not done."

I sat up into meditation position. "We're not to Telos, yet."

Shai'in got into meditation position next to me. A moment later, the door opened. I didn't move, even when Xanatos snorted.

"Even without the Force, you insist on keeping your silly little rituals."

"I am still a Jedi."

"You are a Padawan learner and are nothing to them. They will use and betray you, just as they did me."

"You know what my answer will be to that. Should I say it, anyway, just as a formality?"

"You're just like him. So infuriatingly calm." I heard a lightsaber power up. "Perhaps I should just kill you now, instead of using you as bait."

"You are in control, Xanatos."

I could feel the heat of the lightsaber, a hair's breadth from my chest, though I hadn't heard him move. "You are eager to die."

I opened my eyes, met his gaze. "No, not eager. It is simply that I am not afraid of death." I felt Shai'in tense. "No, Shai'in. Now is not the time."

Xanatos glanced at the cub, then sheathed his saber. "Then, Padawan, what do you fear?"

I laughed. "Do you really think I'm going to just tell you? If so, you're an even bigger fool than I thought."

"I could kill you."

"You could."

We stared at each other a moment, looking away at the same time. That wasn't good; I'd desperately needed to stare him down, to win at least one battle. He took a step back from the bunk.

"I have some questions for you. Walk with me."

I knew, somehow. I stood, though didn't hurry about it, then followed Xanatos out, promising myself I wouldn't scream.

Much to Xanatos' disappointment, it was a promise I kept.

When the night has no end/And the day yet to begin/As the room spins around

I had no idea how long Xanatos tortured me before he had one of his thugs bring me back to the cabin and throw me onto the floor. Was it night or day, on Coruscant? It was night, here in space, would be for days on end.

The room spun around me as I pulled myself to my feet and moved to the bunk with Shai'in's help, didn't stop until I lay down and closed my eyes.

"He hurt you," Shai'in said softly.

"I'm fine." It wasn't exactly a lie; at that point in time, I wasn't doing too badly. But, another few "conversations" like that and I would be in very bad shape, indeed.

"What did he want?"

"Everything I know about Qui-Gon."

"You're not telling Xanatos anything, are you?"

"No."

"He'll hurt you again."

"I know, Shai'in, I know."

After a few minutes I opened my eyes again, was relieved to find the world stationary. I had only one more letter to go, before my name was done.

I managed to finish it without too much trouble, then started on Shai'in's. Xanatos hadn't beaten me too badly, or drawn a lot of blood. This time. I winced, thinking about the questions he'd asked, and how I'd refused to answer them. He wanted to know about Qui-Gon, had been quite angry, indeed, when I wouldn't tell him anything. We'd be doing this again soon.

The door opened and a thug brought some food and water. Not much, not enough, but just what we needed to keep our strength up, enough to keep me alive until Xanatos was ready for me to die. I could starve myself, I thought. Would he have me force-fed? Probably. In any case, it wasn't much better a death than torture, and I couldn't leave Shai'in; as long as I was alive, Xanatos would concentrate on me and leave the cub alone. I ate, then lay down to get what sleep I could.

Shai'in stood and shut off the lights, then came back to the only bunk in the room. "Mac, I'm scared."

I moved over on the bunk, making room for him. "You must push the fear aside. It's not going to be easy, without the Force to help, but you can do it. Good night, Shai'in."

"Good night, Mac." There was a pause, then he spoke again. "Mac, why didn't you let me get his lightsaber?"

"Because you wouldn't have been able to. And, even if you had, can you pilot this ship?"

"No."

"Neither can I. Xanatos is too strong for you, so I don't want you to try to fight him. But, if I tell you to, run. If you have the chance, I need you to get out of here."

"No. I won't leave you."

I smiled. "Don't worry about me, Shai'in. If you can, I need you to run and contact the Council. I may not be able to defeat Xanatos, but he can't kill me."

"All right, Mac. I promise."

"Now, get some sleep."

We fell silent. Shai'in was asleep quickly, but it took me much longer. My fear was at the edge of my thoughts, just waiting to pounce. When sleep finally came, I slept fitfully. The only thing that kept the nightmares at bay was Shai'in's purring as he lay next to me, one arm flung over me in protection.

When Xanatos came for me in the morning, none of us spoke as I stood, stiff from the beating I'd had the day before. Silently, he led me to the storage room that had been converted into a torture chamber. I'd been following him a lot, the past few hours, I thought, but what could I do? Follow his orders and stay alive.

He picked up a prod, handling it fondly. "What do you know about Qui-Gon?"

"That you're his second apprentice, that you turned to the Dark Side because you were arrogant and…"

I never saw him move, but I knew he did when I felt the electro-jabber against my thigh. He held it there until I fell to my knees, my leg cramped with pain and electricity, held it there as I squirmed in pain. I tried to reach for it, but a nearby thug swung his arm, connecting squarely with my jaw. I hit the ground, hard, and lay there, panting. At least the electro-jabber was gone.

"Not so tough now, are you?" Xanatos asked. "I really don't want to have to do this. Just tell me what I want to know and I'll stop. It's as simple as that."

I spat, getting rid of blood that had welled in my mouth. "You were his padawan. Don't you know everything there is to know?"

It was a laser whip that hit me now, square along my back. I almost cried out, biting it back just in time. I wasn't going to give him that much satisfaction.

"I want to know what you know."

"You want to use me against him. You don't care about my answers."

The whip lashed out again. "You're absolutely right," he said, cheerfully. The whip again. "How do you know that, without the Force to determine it?" Whip.

"It's called psychology. Look it up."

Whip, three hard strikes in a row. "I wouldn't be so cocky, if I were you. So, you can read people without using the Force." Another strike, softer than the others, but still painful. "You really should join me. We could rule the universe."

I lifted my head, met his gaze. "I'd rather die."

Xanatos grinned. "Oh, no, you'll just wish you were dead," he said, then began whipping in earnest.

It could have lasted minutes, hours, or days. No matter which, when I was thrown onto the floor of my cabin, I was barely able to make it to the bunk.

Like a desert needs rain/Like a town needs a name…/Like a drifter needs a room

It had been long…I didn't know how to name the time I'd spent under Xanatos' tender ministrations. I was still sleeping on the bunk, though only because Shai'in would help me into it from wherever the thug threw me. I was always cold, now, always in pain, too weak to eat. I was helped in this, never by a nameless thug, but either by Xanatos or Shai'in. I had long ceased to wonder why, or wonder why Xanatos was so gentle with me.

He wasn't during our "discussions." They were really monologues; I wasn't speaking, anymore, too weak to talk through swollen, cracked, bleeding lips. Xanatos said a great deal, usually about Qui-Gon, about how unfair he'd been, how it was his fault Xanatos had turned. I'd heard it all before, even before Xanatos had ever spoken a word to me, and tuned most of it out.

"It's been almost two weeks," Shai'in told me one morning, holding me up and giving me a sip of water. "We should be landing soon."

I nodded weakly, tried to speak, but Shai'in hushed me.

"No. You're too tired."

The door opened and Xanatos came in, a thug close behind. I winced, whimpered, but Xanatos came over and smoothed my dirty, bloody hair down, shushing me. Shai'in growled low in his throat, but said and did nothing.

"Not this time, my dear. We're leaving the ship, you'll get to see sun again. Of course, we'll have to start up our old routine as soon as possible." Again he stroked my hair, almost lovingly. "Routines are good, after all. Get her," he told the thug. "And, at least pretend to be careful."

The thug wasn't. I cried out, the first time I'd done so all this time. Xanatos looked back, a dark scowl on his face, but said nothing.

The sun was brilliant, hanging in a perfectly blue sky, but I couldn't see anything else through swollen eyes. I felt it, though, warm on my battered skin, soothing. All too soon, we were in a speeder, traveling towards wherever Xanatos was going to hide. Through conversation around me, I discovered that I was to be kept in Xanatos' room, in a large closet, along with Shai'in. No more sun, for a while. I tried to think, decide what to do; this was a perfect opportunity to escape. I laughed humorlessly, silently. I was too weak to move, to feed myself. How was I going to escape? Besides, there was Shai'in to think about.

Before I knew it, we had arrived and Shai'in and I were being settled into our new place. I was left there, alone, to cry bitter tears of hate for myself. I'd gone along with Xanatos for too long, had lost the ability to escape. What I hated myself for most, though, was the fact that I was quickly losing the will.

"Go…this…time."

Shai'in looked at me, stunned—I hadn't spoken in days—but quickly shook his head.

"I can't leave you."

"Master…here. Find…"

"He'll kill you."

"Can't…"

Shai'in's eyes were full of tears as he hugged me. "I won't let you down."

"I know."

The door opened. Xanatos had come for me, for the last time.

Like a Phoenix rising/Needs a holy tree/Like the sweet revenge/Of a bitter enemy

I was screaming. I cried out until my throat was torn and raw, until I could no longer make a sound, and still I screamed. I didn't know what Xanatos was doing to me, couldn't tell, didn't care. It was the worst he'd done to me yet, and he wasn't stopping. What did he want?

"You really should come with me," he said, his voice like honey.

Yes whatever you want, no I would never betray the Jedi, my master, Qui-Gon. I didn't care which answer I yelled, I just wanted to tell him one or the other, make it stop somehow. Kill or cure, either one was fine. At this point, I didn't care.

After an eternity, it was over. "I'm truly sorry about this," Xanatos said, still with that sweet voice, almost comforting, almost convincing. "I am, but, you know how Qui-Gon has driven me to this point. Your Jedi friends are coming; he didn't come alone—he didn't even come!—like I thought he would. It's his fault, really, he should have done what I expected him to, but I'm not ready to give you up to them. Not yet."

My body had been so badly used, was in so much pain, I almost didn't feel the vibroshiv as it slid between two ribs. Somewhere, in the background, I heard someone yell my name. I just had time to recognize it as Master before I died.

I came to with a gasp. How long? I looked around, saw Master lying on the floor next to me, out cold, a thug standing over him. I didn't think, just acted, taking a lightsaber from Master's belt and standing in the same motion. A heartbeat later, the thug had fallen, himself. But, he wouldn't be getting up.

I turned to face Xanatos. He looked at me in surprise; in the short time I'd been dead I had healed. There were no wounds, no bruises, nothing but my torn, dirty, bloody clothes and matted hair to tell anyone what I'd gone through.

"You were dead," he whispered.

"I was. Now, I'm not."

"You're not going to try to leave, are you?"

"Wouldn't think of it. You've supposedly died before, Xanatos, but you somehow managed to escape. Care to give it another go?"

"Oh, really," he laughed, drawing and igniting his saber. "Without the Force, you haven't got a prayer."

He attacked, then, in an aggressive barrage, his saber moving quick, now here, now there, always searching for a weakness, always expecting to find one. He'd planned on me to crumble under the assault, but he didn't know. Few Jedi even knew that Master had taught me the style he'd developed. Called Form VII, or Vaapad, it was an aggressive style that brought the user close to the Dark Side. After only a few days together, he'd told me that he had no fear in my using it. Indeed, it was a good match for me; the style I already knew was very close to Vaapad.

I survived Xanatos' initial barrage, having gone on the defensive, just to watch him, get an idea of his abilities, moves, patterns. Then, I went on the offensive. Xanatos was caught unaware, stunned by the strength and speed behind my blows. My lightsaber flashed and danced, while Xanatos' moved jerkily as he only just managed to block my strikes. His expression of surprise gradually changed to glee, once he regained his footing.

"It would appear that you are close to the Dark Side already. Has Qui-Gon pushed yet another soul over the edge?"

"Master Windu taught me. He doesn't think there's anything to fear from it."

"He's a fool. You're close to the Dark Side; I can feel it."

I laughed as our sabers locked, as our faces came close. "You've cut me off from the Force, Xanatos. You can't sense a thing." I poured all my strength into my arms and shoved him backwards.

Xanatos stumbled then charged right back in with a heavy swing, one that sent my lightsaber flying across the room.

"Without your friends, without the Force, what do you have?"

I kicked up, hitting his hand. I'd put so much strength in that kick that his saber left his hand. He tried to use the Force to recall it, but I jumped over him, caught it before he could. I landed behind him in ready stance.

"I have me," I said, thrusting backwards with the lightsaber, going through his back and into his heart. I pulled out the saber, drew it through his neck. Partially out of habit, partially from a desire to make sure he wasn't going to have a chance to use his contingency plan.

I dropped Xanatos' saber and rushed to my master. He was stirring, now, slowly opened his eyes and sat up. He looked at me with relief, concern, sadness, and love.

"Padawan," he said, voice choked with pain.

"Master," I said. Then, I collapsed in tears.

Master caught me, held me close, rocking me and murmuring soothingly as sobs wracked my body. It would take a long time to get past what had happened, I knew. But, I was safe. I was home.

"I knew you'd come," I finally said.

"You're my padawan," he said simply, giving me another hug before letting go. "I don't think Xanatos had a way out, this time."

I glanced at the body. It was strange, there was so little blood. I got to my feet, all injuries healed. All physical injuries healed, at least.

"He did, I'm sure of it. But, I didn't give him a chance. He never expected me not to answer, not to die. He thought I'd be easy to get information from, then kill. It would have been great revenge against Qui-Gon."

"You're stronger than anyone thought. Even you, I daresay. Xanatos discussed Qui-Gon, then?"

"He never asked about anyone—or anything—else."

"You did well, Padawan. I'm proud of you. Shai'in tells me you were fearless."

I laughed harshly. "I was terrified."

"But, you didn't let that fear rule you." Master stood next to me, reached down, took my hand and started fiddling with the cuff. "Let's get this off."

"Thank you. How is Shai'in?"

"Troubled."

"I'll go talk to him." The cuff opened, fell to the tiles with a clatter, and my connection to the Force—and my master—was reestablished. I took a deep breath. Only a couple of months as a Force-sensitive, but I'd gotten used to it.

"Depa said your greatest fear is to be alone."

"Yeah. Yes, it is."

Master put his hands on my shoulders. He said nothing, but I sensed his feelings through our bond.

//You are not alone and never will be again. I am here and always will be, my padawan.//

I sighed, content with the rightness of the situation. //I know, Master. It's why I never doubted you'd come.//

We stood that way another moment, then I shifted, sensing Shai'in.

"I should find him."

"Yes. When you're done, send him to the ship to rest. You should go, too."

"But, Master, I just woke up."

"Then, come find me. You are still troubled, yourself."

I found Shai'in in the garden, sitting under a derii tree. I breathed in the scent of the flowering plant; it smelled like a lilac and brought me good memories of Earth.

"I'm not quite dead, yet."

Shai'in spun, his face lighting up in surprise and joy. My heart broke to see him like this; white fur dingy and matted, sporting stains of blood from when he'd held me after Xanatos was done. I sat next to Shai'in, who shifted nervously.

"I wasn't brave," he said. "I was afraid to leave you, I almost didn't, but you told me to, so I did. I'll never make a good Jedi."

"Why? Because you were afraid? There's no shame in that."

"'There is no emotion, there is peace'," he said, quoting the Jedi Code.

"Perhaps, but Jedi are still people, and people feel. It's what you do with that emotion that's important. Look at your fear. Why did it exist?"

"I was afraid you wouldn't be able to survive."

"That's natural; concern for those you care about. You said you almost stayed. Why didn't you?"

"Because you told me he couldn't kill you and I had to trust you. Besides, you were right. Stopping him was the most important thing." He sighed. "A Jedi has to be willing to let go of his life, or someone he cares about."

I nodded. "Yes, and it's not always easy, is it? You were afraid to trust what I said, to let me go, but you got past that fear and did what you had to. Bravery isn't the absence of fear, peace isn't the absence of emotion. They are doing what you must, even when it is hard, not letting them rule you. You did very well, Shai'in. I, for one, am proud of you."

He beamed. "Really? I'm not a failure, after all?"

I laughed. "No, you're not. I think you'll be a great Knight, someday. You should go to the ship, get some rest. You haven't had much, over the past couple of weeks."

Shai'in yawned. "I am tired. Will you come?"

I shivered. It was a warm day on Telos, but I felt cold. "No. I need to speak with Master. What I went through…"

Shai'in put a hand on mine. "If I can do anything, let me know."

I smiled. "My friend, you kept me alive. I think that's enough, for now. Go, rest."

"All right, Mac."

I watched him get up and move off to the hangar where Master's ship was. I'd be seeing a lot of the cub, I thought. Force knew we'd created a bond that wouldn't be broken any time soon. Once Shai'in was out of sight, I stood to find my master. I needed his help, now.


	5. Epilogue: Plo Koon

I found Adrienne in the garden, drawing a tune from her guitar. It had a relatively quick rhythm, but not lively or happy, it was an almost mournful sound, and filled with need. She sat on a bench as she played, alone as she wanted to be, now. The only other time she'd left her cabin was for Xanatos' pyre, just last night. Everyone was surprised she'd come; no one expected her to want to be there at all, much less stay until the last ember had died with her. Force knows, none of us wanted to stay that long. But, two did. The initiate that had suffered with her and Mace. No one was surprised at either.

I made my way to the bench opposite the one she was using and sat. "Adrienne. How are you?"

The antiox mask I had to wear synthisized my voice, made it sound like a machine and hid all emotion from my words. But she sensed the concern I was feeling and offered me a wan smile. I felt a pang of sorrow; it was her eyes I liked most, they had been so full of life and joy. Now, they were dead.

"Not good, Master Koon. Not good at all."

She had been surprised to see how many of us had come with Mace. He'd thought to leave alone, but Depa, Eeth, Saesee, Even and myself had met him at the hangar. Others wanted to come, but couldn't due to other concerns. "So many Council members to deal with Xanatos?" she'd asked. So many to find her, was the reply.

There was more to her answer, much more, things I suspected she'd never said aloud, not even to her master. Would she begin talking now? I doubted it; we didn't know each other well, after all. I had come on Qui-Gon's behalf, was here now because he wanted me to check on her for him.

"I stopped wanting to escape, after a while. I never wanted to, not on my own, and leave Shai'in, of course, but, there at the end…"

Now I understood what was bothering her so much.

"I have seen this before. It can happen, Adrienne, you are not the only one. One cannot go through what you and Xanatos did, without forming some sort of bond."

"Master and Shai'in stayed at the pyre for me. I told myself I was doing it for Qui-Gon; I knew he would, but he wasn't here. But I didn't. I did it because…" she shrugged. "I don't know."

"You have a lot of healing, left to do." I shook my head. When she'd been found, she was a mess; covered in blood, her hair caked with gore, her clothes stiff with it, torn and ripped where Xanatos had abused her. Just from that, it was obvious how badly she'd been hurt. But, here she was, after a long session in the refresher, with clean clothes, and not a scratch, cut, or bruise to show for it.

"How did this happen?"

"It's what happens when I die. Any physical injuries heal. I wish it were so easy for the emotional ones."

She said this last softly, so much so that I almost didn't hear her.

"But it is those hurts that help make us who we are," I said. "You have a great many people who care for you, who will help you recover."

She smiled, then, and it almost reached her eyes. "I know, Master. That is one of the two things that kept me from giving in."

"The other?"

"Shai'in."

"If nothing else had proven that it was proper you join the Order, this event would have. Even now, I cannot sense anger from you."

"No. But fear, there is so much fear…"

"I have no doubt you will get past that." I didn't. She'd proven already how strong she truly was.

During our conversation, she hadn't stopped playing that haunting melody. Mace wasn't the only one who had noticed that she expressed her emotions whenever she played. "What song is that?" I asked gently.

Her eyes widened, surprised she was even playing. "I don't…Oh," she laughed bitterly. "Hawkmoon 269. It used to be one of my favorite songs."

"It's not anymore?"

"It's too close to what I felt."

"Then sing it. You've been too silent for too long."

She did. The words chilled me. Oh, poor Adrienne, how much healing left to go? Too much. Far, far too much. I would keep an eye on her, from now on, help her through this. Not for Qui-Gon, but for her. For myself. It pained me to see anyone hurt so much.


	6. Hawkmoon 269

I don't own this, either; it's Hawkmoon 269, by U2. It didn't inspire the story, but it sure worked well with it. Enjoy.

Hawkmoon 269

Like a desert needs rain

Like a town needs a name

I need your love

Like a drifter needs a room

Hawkmoon

I need your love

Like a rhythm unbroken

Like drums in the night

Like sweet soul music

Like sunlight

I need your love

Like coming home

And you don't know where you've been

Like black coffee

Like nicotine

I need your love

When the night has no end

And the day yet to begin

As the room spins around

I need your love

Like a Phoenix rising

Needs a holy tree

Like the sweet revenge

Of a bitter enemy

I need your love

Like the heat needs the sun

Like honey on her tongue

Like the muzzle of a gun

Like oxygen

I need your love

When the night has no end

And the day yet to begin

As the room spins around

I need your love

Like thunder needs rain

Like the preacher needs pain

Like tongues of flame

Like a sheet needs a stain

I need your love

I need your love

Like a needle needs a vein

Like someone to blame

Like a thought unchained

Like a runaway train

I need your love

Like faith needs a doubt

Like a freeway out

I need your love

Like powder needs a spark

Like lies need the dark

I need your love


End file.
